Let's Talk Inclusive Language: What’s a male temptress?

Here’s a question from a woman I know:

“A friend of mine changed into a tank top before we headed out. And I was like, ‘Ooh, skimpy, look at all that shoulder. You…you…’

I was going to say something like, “you temptress!” But I couldn’t find the right word to use. He’s a straight dude, so like ‘sassy gay talk’ doesn’t fit.

So what’s a male temptress? Why couldn’t I find a good word to tease him about showing all that manly shoulder?”

CW: Sexual assault

At the heart of linguistics and linguistic anthropology are patterns. A lot of our work is looking for hidden patterns. And then we ask — what are these patterns telling us?

Let’s look at the patterns that come into play for temptress.

I’ll start with our old friend semantic frames. If you read my work, you’ll probably remember that semantic frames show us how a word relates to the world. They often set up a little scenario, like a tiny play.

What’s the scenario for temptress?

The dictionary definition powered by Oxford Languages for Google says this:

“a woman who tempts someone to do something, typically a sexually attractive woman who sets out to allure or seduce someone.”

Let’s break it down a bit further. There are two people. Prototypically one of them is male and one of them is female.

In this scenario, the male person feels compelled to do something that is against his better judgement, that is problematic in some way. Sometimes he follows through and does the bad thing.

But who is ultimately to blame? Who is the origin, the person causing him to do, or want to do, this bad thing?

It is the female person. She is the origin point, the root cause, of his problematic behavior.

In more linguisticky terms, the female temptress is the agent of the action, while the male person is not the agent but someone being acted on.

The grammar tells us the gender of the person doing the tempting, because we’ve got that feminine -ess at the end. (Used in the past in words like authoress and poetess and mayoress and ambassadress; still used today in words like princess and waitress and actress and mistress.)

Below the definition, Oxford Languages helpfully points out that words related to temptress include seductress, siren, femme fatale, Mata Hari, and Delilah. Note that almost all these other roles involve death and destruction for the tempted men — and maybe other people around them.

So that’s the pattern, the one found in the semantic frame, with a scenario that says that there are times when men do bad things but it’s not their fault because a sexually alluring women caused them to do those bad things.

And we can see this pattern repeated again and again in the world around us. Extending downward in age from women into girls and from men into boys.

(In this column, as I often do, I am saying women and girls as a shortcut for people perceived as women and girls. Because it is perception of gender and not actual gender identity that is the factor in these patterns. Same for men and boys.)

If we look, we can see all kinds of ways that women (and girls) are framed as responsible for the sexual feelings and inappropriate sexual actions of men (and boys).

High school dress codes often operate on the temptress model. They ban clothes that are “distracting” and “revealing.” 90% of dress codes are focused on clothing associated with girls. And a 2022 report by the US Government Accountability Office found that American school dress codes are not enforced equitably, with far more female students sent home from school or events — with rates even higher when these students aren’t white.

In the temptress model of dress codes and dress code citations, female students wearing tank tops or tops that are off the shoulder or skirts that are “too short” are seen as dangerous. The premise is that their clothing and their bodies will compel boys (or at least the boys who are attracted to girls) into bad behavior — these boys just won’t be able to help themselves.

I have heard multiple stories of boys unhooking girls’ bras, snapping bra straps, and grabbing body parts — and teachers or school administrators dismissing the problematic behavior with some version of, “It’s just because he thinks you’re pretty” or “It’s just because he likes you.”

Similarly, we see the temptress model in tabloid and magazine descriptions of famous women’s outfits, especially swimwear. Women walking down the street or on the beach are described as flaunting body parts such as “flat abs” or showing off body parts like a “toned butt.”

This temptress model is found again and again in American courtrooms holding trials on sexual harassment and sexual assault where the target is female.

Not everyone who is sexually harassed or sexually assaulted is female. But the vast majority are. According to RAINN, 1 in 6 American women are the target of rape or attempted rape vs. 1 in 33 American men. And according to the EEOC, 78% of sexual harassment cases are filed by women — although this leaves out the enormous number of legally actionable cases that never get filed, so the actual percentage is probably even higher.

“Blame the victim” arguments, which are based on the temptress model, are still common in American courtrooms, despite decades of academic articles, dissertations, and books highlighting this issue.

A 2023 exhibit by the Dove Center called What Were You Wearing shows the clothes women and girls were wearing at the time of their sexual assault. A look at the exhibit, filled with sweatpants and t-shirts and hoodies — some of them in children’s sizes — shows how false the temptress model is. Just being female and there was enough to become a target.

In a recent question to the Ask A Manager website, a consultant for small businesses asks for advice. What’s the issue? Men are asking out this person’s scheduling bot — because it has a female name. The bot isn’t chatty or flirty or using AI language generation. It is just using basic templates to elicit available times and then confirm a scheduled meeting.

So you don’t even have to be female and there to become the target of inappropriate behavior. Simply being perceived as female is enough to be tempting. To be a temptress.

It’s kind a bummer that fun and lighthearted questions like “why is there no male equivalent of temptress?” can end up in such a dark place.

But my first principle of inclusive language is Reflect Reality.

And the reality is — when we look into why there is no male equivalent of temptress, we shed light on an ugly and unfair set of patterns and linguistic distortions.

Patterns where we regularly find inflating language used to describe targets of harassment and attacks, presenting their reasonable behavior as problematic. In the temptress model, the woman or girl is to blame for problematic male behavior, including physical attacks.

And where we regularly find softening language used to describe the perpetrators. Where problematic (and sometimes criminal) behavior by men and boys is presented as reasonable and not really their fault. Where language frequently presents perpetrators as not responsible for and not accountable for their actions.

This is why so much rape prevention education boils down to “don’t get raped” rather than “don’t rape.”

Knowledge is power.

And knowing that these patterns are out in the world can help you identify linguistic distortions like the ones found in the temptress model and then stop them in their tracks.

In your workplaces, a great place to start is looking out for softening language used to dismiss sexual harassment. (“Boys will be boys,” or “But he’s actually a good guy.”)

And both at work and everywhere else, when you encounter inflating language that suggests a woman or girl is to blame for someone else’s bad behavior, call it out! You can start by saying something like, “Hey, it looks like we’re shifting the blame here. Can we take a closer look at who is really responsible?”

Because the more we cut through harmful linguistic distortions and genuinely reflect reality, the better decisions we can make.

Industry-leading inclusive language expert Suzanne Wertheim facilitates in-person and virtual inclusive language trainings, as well as offering empowering and educational inclusive language keynotes.

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