When critical feedback goes wrong
Have you ever found yourself in this kind of dilemma at work?
On the one hand: You’ve learned about or observed something that is going to cause a real problem. And you need to tell your boss about it.
For example, an important deadline is going to be missed because there aren’t enough people on the job. Or the chatbot keeps on spewing out dangerously wrong information and putting the company in legal and financial risk. Or there’s a quality issue with the new supplier and the parts just aren’t going to work.
On the other hand: There’s a real chance that the powerful person who needs to know will not take critical feedback well.
In the past you’ve seen this person — or someone in a similar position — react badly to feedback that contradicts their decisions or opinions.
What if this person in power gets angry when they hear what you have to tell them? What if they blame you?
So you’re stuck. Do you endanger the company by not giving the bad news? Or do you endanger yourself by giving it?
Let’s unpack the two communication issues at the heart of this dilemma: 1) a communication values clash, and 2) the language distortion I call blame shifting language.
Respect
In my September advice column, I answered a reader whose VP accused him of being disrespectful when he gave him important new information or “bad news.” He was dealing with the exact dilemma I’ve just laid out.
Why would a leader interpret his report giving him vital information as not showing him respect?
Because the VP and his report are using two different definitions of respect.
VP’s definition: Respect is when someone with less power than me, someone “beneath me,” defers to me. They act subordinate and deferential. (I call this the Deference Scenario.)
Report’s definition: Respect is when I take things seriously, and consider what is best for both my boss and my organization. I show respect by putting time and effort into identifying and analyzing problems, and I share information that will help my boss make good decisions. (I call this the Meeting Needs Scenario.)
Power vs. functionality
We can go a little deeper into this communication clash. Because these two different ways of defining respect point to another communication clash, this time a clash in values and expectations.
As my colleague Jason Patent noted on LinkedIn, there are two different currencies at play here in my supposedly disrespectful reader’s situation.
For the VP, it is power that has the most currency.
But for his report, it is organizational functionality that is most important.
And this shows up as two different interpretations of the time-honored path to success at work: “Make your boss look good.”
_____
The report is prioritizing organizational functionality, so he collects information on danger zones and potential problems that might make his boss look bad. Here, “prevent an embarrassing or expensive problem that could be blamed on my boss” = “make my boss look good.”
From this perspective, it is a bad look to miss a deadline or keep a malfunctioning chatbot running or keep ordering parts that won’t work. Such a bad look, in fact, that it might cost a leader their job.
But because this VP is prioritizing power and deference, he has a different set of expectations. For him, “make my boss look good” = “my reports should never question, criticize, or contradict me.”
In this value system, it is a bad look to have a subordinate who is “disrespectful” and “out of control.” Because in a command and control form of leadership, questioning and contradicting leaders feels like rebellion rather than working for the greater good.
Shoot the messenger
There’s something else that often shows up in this dilemma of “should I tell my boss about a problem?” It’s common distortion that I call blame shifting language.
In this distortion, blame is inappropriately shifted away from a wrongdoer and onto another party. And in the distorted version, the blame often shifts onto the person bringing the news instead of the person causing the problem.
We call this “shooting the messenger,” and it’s been written about in the Western world for more than two thousand years. It’s been a problem.
In the present-day workplace, shooting the messenger may look like a boss:
removing the messenger from important projects
transferring the messenger to another department or office
giving the messenger a bad performance review and even putting them on a Performance Improvement Plan
firing the messenger
All of these actions may feel natural and obvious to the leader who sees critical feedback and reporting problems as disrespectful and insubordination.
And it’s such a common course of action that in many countries there are legal protections for people who report problems and are subsequently punished in ways that may be labeled whistleblower retaliation.
What can you do?
Leaders who cannot accept and integrate critical feedback can be genuinely dangerous for an organization and its employees. Just a few reasons:
Problems that might be solved in advance instead come to pass and cause damage
Innovation and ownership are stifled
Employees either get frustrated and leave or are inappropriately fired for bringing important issues to light
If you are a leader (and I know many of my readers are!), you can gracefully welcome and integrate new information and critical feedback. For example, in project meetings or one-on-ones, you can hold time at the end for people to answer the question, “Is there something I should know about that may affect this project?”
Or you can check in with your reports (or their reports) and ask: “What can I do so people feel safe telling me about problems and issues?”
And if you have some control over leadership development, consider workshops and coaching on how to welcome and integrate critical feedback.
Because no one should feel stuck deciding between “Should I not report the problem and put the company in danger?” and “Should I report the problem and potentially hurt my career?”
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